The Question I
Hate to Have to Ask
I have an
appointment with my oncologist and I know I have to ask him this question. I warn him that I’m going to ask him a
question that I may not be prepared to hear the answer for. Will I be able to have more kids? Jeff and I have always planned to have one or
two more. In fact, prior to this cancer
stuff we had just begun trying for another. I always assumed we would have more. That’s what we wanted. The doctor carefully told me that although it
may be physically possible to have more, he’s going to say “no”. After all these treatments are over I will be
on hormonal therapy (a drug called Tamoxifen) for at least five years
after. That would make me 38 years
old. I think to myself, alright I can
handle that. I would have preferred to
be done having kids by 38, but that’s fine.
Then he tells me that even then, the chance of cancer returning (because
my ER/PR status is not only positive, but it is 100% positive!) is too
great. The hormones from pregnancy are
likely to “wake” any cancer cells that may be in my body. If the cancer returns it will be
my cause of death. Okay, never
mind. This is hard news to hear. I guess I won’t be having more kids after
all. I know I should be happy just to
have the two adorable and amazing children that I do have, and I am…but I can’t
help be upset that we can’t have more.
It is always difficult when the decision is made for you and you don’t have
a say.
Looking
on the Bright Side…I see no more diapers in my future! Let’s be honest, this makes me both
incredibly happy and incredibly sad. However,
I am more grateful than ever to have the two kids that I have, they make life
worth living.
Angie, I read this post and the Christmas post in tears. I am so sorry! It isn't fair! I am sure your family tells you this, but try not to be too hard on yourself. It looks like your kids had a wonderful Christmas!
ReplyDeleteI am in a Beth Moore Bible study. It just started. It is on a section of the Psalms. The first Psalm we studied was Psalm 120. The theme of this Psalm is "Woe is me." In summary, our Lord wants to hear from us, complaints and all! I am so thankful for that. Sometimes I feel like I have no right to complain to the God who sent his son to this earth to pay price for our sins by dying on the cross so that we can spend eternity with him in heaven. So why should we have any complaints? Well, we are human, and life on earth is hard. Our Heavenly Father loves us and he wants to hear from us, just like our earthly Dads want to hear from us, even when we have complaints.
I am praying for you Angie. Stay strong and healthy. Don't be hard on yourself!!