I have been told
by numerous people that I am so strong and so brave. I used to have a hard time with hearing
that. I felt like a fraud. I didn’t feel strong and I definitely didn’t
feel brave. For a long time I didn’t
really feel much of anything. I was in survival
mode. I didn’t have a choice in
anything, so if it seemed strong or brave I wasn’t in on it. To me, brave people are those in the
military, nurses/doctors, firefighters, police officers…garbage
collectors! Me? I’m not brave.
Now, I have come
to appreciate those comments more. I
know I will look back someday and see how strong I was. Strong because I didn’t have a nervous
breakdown or fall into a miserable “woe is me” attitude. I guess when you have cancer the criteria for
being strong is pretty low. Honestly,
the thing that gets me through is knowing that it is me who has cancer. If Jeff or one of the kids had been diagnosed
with cancer, I would be a wreck. If out
of my group of friends someone had to get cancer, I’m glad it’s me. If one of my parents or a sibling had cancer,
I would be a mess. I think the “brave”
and “strong” awards should go to all of them.
Jeff has been so strong and with him I can’t help but look on the bright
side. My kids keep me happily distracted
and are so resilient. I think that they
are at a good age (4 and 5 years old) because they are young enough to
understand that I’m sick and need extra rest, but not old enough to be too stressed
that their mom has cancer. They are just
kids. They just want to play with me and
I am happy to do just that.
Looking
on the Bright Side…a good game of UNO or Candy Land can get anyone out of a
rut. Playing Tic-Tac-Toe or “guess what
hand” for an hour…not so much. Don’t
tell them I told you that.
playing "Headbanz" with Grandma and Aunt Amy
more games and more fun
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