Mammogram, Ultrasound, Biopsy, Oh My!

Mammogram, Ultrasound, Biopsy, Oh My! – Friday, October 12^th

I did the mammogram, it was uncomfortable but not really painful.  Easier than I thought it would be.  The radiologist would look it over quick.  Then, they said I would definitely need an ultrasound.  Okay, fine.  I hope I can get back to work on time.  The ultrasound technician was VERY thorough!  Very.  Okay, maybe I’m getting a little more nervous.  She calls in the radiologist.  A bit more nervous!  Then they ask if I brought my husband or anyone with me, and offered to go get him and bring him in.  Nervous!!  They said some stuff, I don’t remember what exactly but “cancer” was never mentioned.  They said I would need a biopsy and thought I should get one today, if possible.  They found 2 spots and both would need biopsied.  I asked them quite calmly “This could still be nothing, right?  This might still be just a cyst?  Should I be nervous?”  Her reply was “I think anyone in this situation is naturally nervous.  As far as it being just a cyst?  I don’t think so.”  Looking back, the look in her eyes said enough.  In that moment, it shut me up pretty fast.  Later I worked up the courage to quite nervously ask “If it’s not a cyst.  What do you think it is?  A tumor?  It might just be a benign tumor, right?”  Her reply, “it’s possible, we will know for sure after the biopsy.”  When I think about it know, I kind of set myself up for those vague and round about answers.  They knew I was not ready to hear cancer.  In some ways I appreciate that, but I also wish I knew then because I’m pretty sure they knew.  My regular physician wanted me to go to a surgeon to get the biopsy done, rather than have the radiologist do it.  The signs were all there, I still chose not to see them.

 

Biopsy #1 – Monday, October 15^th

Biopsy day.  I know they told me it’s probably not a cyst, but probably to me meant there was still a chance it was.  My appointment with the surgeon was early afternoon.  He did an ultrasound to find the lumps and I had to come back at 5:00 for the biopsy.  I liked the surgeon right away.  I felt very comfortable with him opening me up and taking out part of the cysts (or benign tumors, whatever you want to call it) for a biopsy.  They numbed me up and did their thing.  The weirdest part was that I didn’t know where to look.  I just told them I was going to stare up at the ceiling corner, so as not to be awkward or anything.  I’m typically pretty calm about this type of stuff and the surgeon and nurse were very impressed with how composed I was during it all.  It was a bit painful, but hearing the tool (it looked like an electric knife) and later seeing it covered in blood was gross.  Other than that, not horrible. I was just happy it was over and they would finally be able to confirm this whole cyst/benign tumor thing.  All these appointments are getting bothersome.  He said he would call me with the results on Wednesday, then changed his mind and said I should just make an appointment for Thursday morning and he would go over the results with us in person.

I knew.  I just couldn’t let myself believe it.  I tried so hard to convince myself it was nothing.  I kept telling myself over and over it’s a cyst or a benign tumor.  But I knew.  I knew by the way all the doctors and nursed looked at me and talked to me.  I knew by how fast everything was moving.  I knew.  I just wasn’t ready to believe it.