Reality Check

Reality Check
Warning - this post is a direct reflection of what's going on in my brain lately.  It's totally random and scattered.  I tried to make it cohesive, but it was useless.  I apologize in advance.

I am feeling better now, just in time for chemo tomorrow.  I was having a very “pissed off at cancer” couple of days.  I was feeling so defeated.  Now that my fever of officially gone and I have some energy back I can go back to playing with the kids and that lifts my spirit.  I wasn’t quite up to playing basketball and doing cartwheels but we have spent the day doing playdough, moon sand, card games, and playing school.  Of course, now Coen is sick with a cough and fever.  This has been a rough year.  When things look up, something drags us back down.  It's a reality check.  I have to remind myself things could be a lot worse. 

(Totally random transition) My kids have been talking a lot about what they want to be when they grow up and it got me thinking about how great it is to be a little kid and not have to worry about "real life" stuff.  Remember being a kid and dreaming about being a grown up.  I had my heart set on one thing.  I wanted to grow up to be Mary Lou Retton!  I didn’t just want to be an Olympic gymnast, I wanted to be Mary Lou Retton.  Turns out it doesn’t work that way.  Then as I grew and grew and grew (probably outgrowing Mary Lou by 2^nd grade) my dreams of becoming an Olympic gymnast were also kind of crushed.  I love how kids have so many dreams and hopes for their future.  Brinley wants to be a doctor, a mom, and a dancer.  Although it frequently changes.  Coen wants to be a football player and a firefighter (but not the firefighter that goes in to burning buildings, that’s too dangerous for him).  As their mother, I encourage them to dream big. I hope that they grow up doing what makes them happy and learn to look on the bright side even in the darkest situations.  I hope that someday my kids will look back at this time in their lives and see that although cancer was a very unexpected and disappointing surprise, it doesn’t kill dreams.  I pray that they see and remember the strong and optimistic mommy more than the angry at cancer, defeated mommy.

Looking on the Bright Side…what better way to really teach kids the importance of not letting life’s disappointments get you down, then actually getting and beating cancer.  I mean when I teach a lesson I really go all out.