I Wonder

I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder about another young woman I met while getting my third mammogram.  We were both waiting for our mammogram dressed in the given gowns.  We were sitting next to one another and chatting politely.  She shared with me that she was really nervous.  She also told me that when she gets nervous she talks a lot.  I told her my mammogram experience wasn’t too bad, mostly just uncomfortable.  She was surprised to hear that I already had one done and I told her that this was in fact my third mammogram in 2-3 weeks*.  I’m not sure why I told her this.  I think I still needed to practice saying it all out loud.  She was so curious and seemed to think that it was strange to have had so many in a short amount of time and then asked me “so they just haven’t found anything yet?”  This is when time stopped for me.  I remember panicking a little bit inside.  Do I really want to tell her the truth?  Should I lie?  I don’t want to freak her out.  She is just a couple years older than me and has three little kids at home…remember she talks a lot when she’s nervous.  I looked at her and told her the truth, as much as I really wanted to avoid it.  I like to think I responded something like this, “they found two suspicious spots and after doing the biopsies discovered that I do have breast cancer.”  In reality I probably responded something like this “um, well, um, so they, well the reason is, um, so, yeah I have cancer.”  Her mouth dropped open and she was shocked.  She started to tear up and talking some more (did I mention she talks a lot when she’s nervous?) but I don’t really remember what she said.  Then my name was called to go in.  As I was leaving, I wished her luck as she was about to get started.  I have been thinking about her.  I wonder if she had the same experience I did.  Has her life been turned upside down?  Did she hear the dreaded cancer news?  Did they catch it early?  Or was she given the good news that her lump wasn’t cancer?  I truly hope that it is the latter.  I really hope that her news was good news. 

*When the doctors find a suspicious spot and then do a biopsy, they insert a small metal clip where the spot was.  Once that is inserted you go back for another mammogram picture and then they have the spot marked for future mammograms.  I had two biopsies done on my right breast and one on my left on two different occasions, totally three mammograms.

Looking on the Bright Side…my words are always more eloquent in my head or on paper than when I’m speaking, lucky for those of you reading this blog.