For the longest
time, it was hard to look in the mirror and see myself not only without hair
but also looking so sick. My blood
counts have taken a beating with chemotherapy, therefore so has my appearance. My face and lips have no color and my eyes
look sunken in. I look very sick. I don’t like to go out looking this way. It’s obvious enough with my scarf that I have
cancer, but it just makes it so much worse when I look like I’m terribly ill
with cancer. I see the way people look
at me and then pretend they aren’t. I
know what they are thinking. It’s been
easier to just not go out and see people, whether they are people I know or
strangers. I realized recently that I’m
starting to get used to looking this way. It’s kind of a dreadful feeling, but one that
I hope is temporary.
Imagine my surprise
when I look in the mirror this morning and I have color. My lips were pink! My cheeks were rosy! My eyes were not sunken in and they looked
normal! I still look like I have cancer (thanks to the no hair on my head and
very sparse eyebrows and eyelashes) but I don’t look like I’m dying of cancer. There is a huge difference. Let’s be honest, that’s what people were
seeing and thinking; I looked like a ghost.
Not today. I had to do a double
take in the mirror. Then a triple take. It was the most beautiful site, I nearly
cried. I went downstairs to ask Jeff if
he noticed anything different about me.
He carefully said “yes”, but I could tell he was nervous like I was
trying to set him up or something so I answered the question for him. “Look at my face, I have color!” He could see it too and noticing my good mood
was not about to say anything to ruin it.
Then I remembered that I was surprised yesterday when getting chemo and
the nurse checking my vitals said I was running a small fever. Oh great!
Maybe this color on my face is from a fever, but I don’t feel
feverish. I got the thermometer and holding
my breath waited for the result. Yes! 97.5
degrees! No fever! This is so great. It’s funny how having cancer (or any life
changing event) can change your perspective.
Suddenly, I find myself much more appreciative of the simple things in
life. I don’t recall ever waking up and
being so excited to see my reflection in the mirror, looking “normal” and “healthy”. It’s so easy to take that kind of thing for
granted.
Looking
on the Bright Side…this gives me a great excuse to go out and go shopping. Target’s not going to know what hit them,
when I come in with my new complexion!
Check it out! I know your probably thinking "Really? This is what she's so excited about." Trust me, okay. I don't have a comparison picture to show you because pictures of sick Angie were not allowed. This is me looking good. (My face is puffy thanks so all the steroids.)
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