Cancer is Everywhere

Cancer.  It’s everywhere.  Cancer is to me, what Kim Kardashian is to pop culture.  I try to get away from it, but it keeps showing up.  Just when I think there is a chance I can spend just one day avoiding it…it’s staring me in the face.  When I was first diagnosed, it was breast cancer awareness month, so it really was everywhere.  Then I started noticing all the vehicles with cancer ribbons and stories about cancer on the news and so on.  Like Kimmy, I know cancer has also been around for many years but now it is suddenly invading everything I try to do even though I never asked for it and find it incredibly annoying.

I continue to be much more aware of cancer all around, but now it has expanded.  Maybe it is a sign from God, maybe it is that I am emotionally more ready to see it, maybe it’s just an odd coincidence but I feel like I now I am surrounded by stories of death by cancer.  Death?!?!  I was initially so confident that I would beat this cancer crap and move on with my life, but maybe not.  Maybe these are signs that I should prepare myself for the worst.  I have never really been scared of dying, but I am scared of leaving my husband and kids.  I’m not saying that I know I’m going to die, but I am realizing that it is an option.  It is a realistic possibility that at the end of all these treatments, the cancer may not be gone or it may come back, or it may be terminal.  I guess we never know what the future holds.  Death is always a possibility for anyone at any time.  If we were nervous about every risk we would drive ourselves crazy.  I know this to be true because I spent many years afraid that germs would kill me.  Trust me, having a fear of doorknobs is not a fun way to spend life.  I have accepted that cancer could kill me, but I have no intention to live my (hopefully long) life in fear of it. 

I have been reading a lot in my time off and finish a book every couple of days.  I’m reading new books and old favorites.  I have purposely been reading books that are not at all about cancer but yet there is a small paragraph or sentence about it, right there in the book. The book that I am using as a way to escape the realities of cancer.  Here are some of the examples (by the way, all these books are really good sans the mention of someone dying of cancer)

The Good House – Chapter 17 – the characters friend Allie “she died of breast cancer five years ago.”  Why?  Why did she have to die?  I think the story would have been just as good had her friend survived.
The Age of Miracles – Chapter 5 – one of the young character’s mothers – “Breast cancer: She’d had it for years already, forever, it seemed, but I’d heard that now she was really dying.” Chapter 13 – “we heard that the cancer had spread to Seth’s mother’s bones.  I heard she died at home in the middle of a long white night.”  She died too. Ugh.
Brain on Fire – Chapter 29 – the character was having odd psychotic symptoms and numerous doctor’s visits – “This was not what my mother wanted to hear.  Cancer had always been the greatest fear, the word she dared not utter.”  Yeah, speaking from experience moms don’t like cancer.
Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal – Chapter 1 – “We had to live with my granddad, so that Mrs. Winterson could nurse her mother, who was dying of throat cancer.”  Again with the dying!
Bossypants – page 157 on my nook – “My friend Jen Rogers, who is a cancer survivor, thought it was funny.”  Yep, you read that right!  Finally a cancer survivor.  Thanks Tina Fey!

Then last night I was catching up on the news and came across a clip from the Today show featuring a woman diagnosed with breast cancer at 31 who was talking about the importance of woman with cancer to feel beautiful and comfortable with their bodies, scars and all.  Then I watched the viral video of her story and it turns out her cancer returned.  She is now 35 and her stage 4 cancer is now incurable.  Another sign?  I don’t know but her story is incredibly inspiring and touching.  I included the link if you want to watch.  Grab a tissue!

The Light that Shines

 

Looking on the Bright Side…Speaking of signs, I think this might be a sign that Tina Fey needs to write another book or get started on another TV show.