I Got a Feeling

 I Got a Feeling

Since my double mastectomy I have not really had any feeling in my “breasts” or part of my right arm.  I have been numb.  A couple of weeks ago I was getting chemo when I stood up not realizing that the IV was stuck under the IV pole and I accidentally pulled the needle out of my port.  Ouch!!  That part I felt.  I told the nurses who immediately got their gloves on and quickly got to work getting things removed, cleaned, replaced and back on track.  Wow, they are good!  They asked me if I wanted a towel or something to dry up from where medicine spilled out.  I said I was fine.  When I got home and changed out of my clothes I felt that part of my bra and shirt were soaking wet.  I didn’t feel a thing.  I had no idea that my left breast under my port was even wet until I felt it with my own hands.  

Now, I am slowly getting some of the feeling back in my breasts.  The nerves that were severed are reforming (I think that’s how it works?).  My left breast hurts a lot.  The doctor thinks I might be having muscle spasms.  I went from having no feeling to suddenly having a very painful feeling.  It is a toe curling pain.  I will be going about my day and all of a sudden I am struck with this awful pain.  I have a prescription to help relieve some of the discomfort, but it’s not quite enough.  My doctor is currently on vacation for a week so I won’t be able to see him until then.  I could always go to the surgeon on call if it gets too bad, but I really don’t want to have to do that. Sometimes I will cry out in pain (I swear it is not as dramatic as it sounds) and the kids will say “dad, mommy is having joint pain again.”  They are so sweet.  I have had some pretty painful joints in the last few weeks too and so that’s what they know.  Or they will say “mom, does your chest hurt again?” and Brinley will come over to give me a back massage which basically consists of her rubbing her tiny hands on my bony collar bone and asking me every 5 seconds if that feels good.

Looking on the Bright Side…I can tolerate pain much better than feeling crummy like I’m car sick all day long.  Also, I wrote this piece a few days ago and update: it’s feeling so much better!