The Less Obvious Things

The Less Obvious Things

Cancer changes things.  Being told you have cancer profoundly impacts all areas of your life.  It is sometimes difficult to remember life before cancer.  Although there have been major changes in my life thanks to my life being threatened, there are also many less obvious variations to my day now.  These are the kinds of things that you might not find in books dedicated to coping with cancer.

My Nose Hurts – I had read plenty about mouth sores and I experienced those a little bit at the beginning of chemo but the sores that have affected me even more are in my nose.  I begin every single day with a bloody nose.  I spend the first 10-15 minutes of my day tending to my bloody nose.  It has become part of my new and exciting life routine.  There are constantly sores inside my nose.  Also, one of the side effects of chemo is having a runny nose and my nose is persistently runny.  I have been through too many Kleenex boxes to count.  On some days I literally go through an entire box of Kleenex.  Seriously.

Food Aversions – I have come to terms with many things since my diagnosis including knowing that I cannot have any more children and knowing that cancer could ultimately end my life, but there is one more thing that has been very difficult for me to handle; I may never like mashed potatoes again!  Shocking, I know.  Up until now it has just been too hard to talk about but I think I’m ready now.  I am mourning the loss of mashed potatoes from my favorite foods list.  When I began chemo my appetite and my nausea were constantly competing against one another.  I could only eat certain things and keep it all down.  I made the mistake of giving in to one temptation…my beloved mashed potatoes.  I don’t know that I will ever love mashed potatoes again.  Seeing them now sends shivers down my spine.  I swear just looking at them invokes all the same nausea inducing symptoms that came with the first set of chemo drugs.  All my senses are suddenly transported back to that time.  I get that smell and feeling in my nose that makes me cringe.  I feel like I’m going to throw up.  I get that metallic taste in my mouth like I’ve been taste testing spoons.  Ugh.  Gross.  I hated that time.  It’s so unfortunate that I’ve had to lose my love of mashed potatoes for this.  I hate cancer. 

Thanks to cancer I will also never again be able to eat peach-mango yogurt smoothies from Schwan’s.  I also now have to eat applesauce with a baby spoon.  If I try to eat applesauce with a regular spoon, all I can taste is spoon and it doesn’t taste good!  So I eat my applesauce with one of those baby safety spoons that has the soft coated tip.  And yes, I look exactly as cool as you’re imagining. 

Bowel Movements – I am not only comfortable talking to the doctors and nurses about my bowel movements but I have come to expect to be asked about it at least once a week.

Looking on the Bright Side…I don’t want to toot my own horn or anything but I have also become pretty darn good at tying head scarves.  Just saying.  Toot toot!