Neurotic vs. Naive

Neurotic vs. Naïve

I know I have mentioned this issue before, but it is more prevalent now than ever.  I am feeling very conflicted.  Is there a lesser evil of being neurotic or naïve about wellbeing?

Is it better to worry and consider the worst for every unusual symptom only to be relieved when it turns out to be nothing or prepared if it turns out to be something, or is it better to be naïve and assume that any unusual symptoms are actually normal only to be blindsided and completely unprepared for the worst, but happily unaffected until then?  I don’t know.  I need to find a balance between the two, I know.  I just don’t want to find myself in the same situation I was in when I was diagnosed.  I don’t want to see that look again from doctors and medical staff when they know the outcome is bad but it is obvious that I am clueless.  I don’t want to be blindsided again.  I don’t want to feel overwhelmingly shocked about my health ever again.  I don’t want to be naïve, only to get knocked down with bad news. 

I also don’t want to be neurotic (or for those who know me well, I should say more neurotic than usual).  I don’t want to google every symptom I have because every single symptom, big or small, can somehow lead to a very unnecessary cancer self-diagnosis.  A broken toe? Bone cancer, of course.  Pain in my abdomen? It’s got to be stomach cancer, or uterine cancer, or ovarian cancer, or probably all three.  A headache?  Obviously a brain tumor, most likely terminal.  A bladder infection? Bladder cancer, duh!  Feeling well? Maybe I have an incredibly rare illness that presents no symptoms at all.  I am doomed…or not.  But this way when I go to the doctor with a symptom, I will already know what might be coming.  I will not be fooled again.  I don’t want to worry that much.  I could literally worry myself sick.  I don’t want to be that person.

I suppose as time goes on I may be less likely to find myself worrying over symptoms, or worrying that I am worried, or worried that I am not worrying.  Does that make sense?  Oh goodness, I’m not making any sense.  I better google it.  This sounds bad…or not.

Looking on the Bright Side…this week and next week I have my follow up appointments with my general doctor, plastic surgeon, oncologist, and radiation oncologist.  Wish me luck.  Hopefully it will relieve some of the worrying.